Tools for Expressing Hurt Feelings; How to Handle Being the One Who Has Hurt. (Part 2)

In the previous post I introduced you to some of the reasons why we develop hurt feelings; differing expectations and not seeing the world the same as everyone else. In this post we are going to come some practical tools for you to use. First off, we start with five key tips on how to express being hurt, because we don't want to bottle it up, only to explode later. Lastly, I've given seven tips to those who have been approached as being the ones how have caused hurt feelings.

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If you are the one who is hurt, what should you do?

1. Analyze if this is a pie piece to a larger pie. In other words, is this one small incident that will break the preverbal camels back and cause you to blow up. Leaving the other person wondering why such a small thing would cause such large anger or hurt feeling. If it is part of a bigger hurt, keep reading and just realize you need to adjust your level of anger for the appropriate size of issue.

2. Learn to have courage and logically confront a person who has hurt you. Do it when it's small and not the fifth time stuffed inside. Be courageous!

3. Do not make blaming statements. Remember when I said everyone sees the world differently? Blaming statement only stand to polarize the situation further. The truth behind something is very relative, it simply is true only to who is looking at it.

4. I can't reiterate enough how you must realize everyone sees the world through their own glasses.

5. Be open to others that want to remedy the situation. Don't judge a solution or act of wanting to resolve things, it's too easy to think to yourself; "oh they say this, but they really don't mean it." How can you possibly know that? Be open to solutions, listen to the other person as much as you want to be listened to.

 

Let's say I came to you and said you've hurt me, what should you do?

1. Realize it takes a ton of courage for me to have come to you. I'm taking a risk of more hurt in doing so.

2. Do not counter my points, this is not a negotiation. Although, I will be open to hearing your solutions in the end. It's my emotions, my feelings, just know that I truly feel it.

3. Again, realize we all see the world differently and this is how I see things right now. How I see it, involving you, has caused me some hurt.

4. Listen.

5. Allow other's the freedom to voice grievances.

6. Take responsibility by asking yourself how your actions and possibly things said or not, could have helped create the problem.

7. Accept responsibility to make things better by offering a solution to remedy the situation, then be sure to keep owning it.

The process of hut feelings all stems from a difference in how differing people see the world or a difference in expectations about something. Working with these tools is a process and it takes practice, I'm still working on getting better. But if you just take the time to work on these tips, you will notice your hurt feelings become less and less while your ability to cause hurt feelings goes down as well.

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Posted in Home Improvement Post Date 10/14/2019


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